38 / Indifference and Separation
The great devotee Uddhava once wrote a letter to Kṛṣṇa: “My dear Kṛṣṇa, I have just finished the study of all kinds of philosophical books and Vedic verses about the goal of life, and so now I have a little reputation for my studies. But still, in spite of my reputation, my knowledge is condemned, because although enjoying the effulgence of Vedic knowledge, I could not appreciate the effulgence emanating from the nails of Your toes. Therefore, the sooner my pride and Vedic knowledge are finished, the better it will be!” This is an example of indifference.
Another devotee very anxiously expressed himself thusly: “My mind is very flickering, so I cannot concentrate it upon Your lotus feet. And seeing this inefficiency in myself I become ashamed, and the whole night I am unable to sleep because I am exasperated by my great inability.”
In the  Kṛṣṇa-karṇāmṛta  Bilvamaṅgala Thākur has explained his restlessness as follows: “My dear Lord, Your naughtiness in boyhood is the most wonderful thing in the three worlds. And You Yourself know what this naughtiness is. As such, You can very easily understand my flickering mind. This is known to You and myself. Therefore, I am simply yearning to know how I can fix my mind on Your lotus feet.”
Another devotee expressed his impudency by saying: “My dear Lord, without considering my lowly position, I must confess to You that my eyes are just like black wasps, desiring to hover at Your lotus feet.”
In the Seventh Canto of  Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam , 4th Chapter, 27th
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