82
Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta
[Antya-līlā, Ch. 1]
PURPORT
Having been very cruel to Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī, Kṛṣṇa is repenting in this way ( Vidagdha-mādhava 2.40 ).
TEXT 152
যদ্যোৎসঙ্গস্বথাশয়া শিথিলিতা গুর্বী গুরুভ্যন্ত্রপা 
  প্রাণেভ্যোহপি স্বহৃত্তমাঃ সথি তথা যুয়ং পরিক্লেশিতাঃ । 
  ধর্মঃ সোহপি মহান্ময়া ন গণিতঃ সাধ্বীভিরধ্যাসিতো 
  ধিগ্ধৈর্ধং তদুপেক্ষিতাপি যদহং জীবামি পাপীয়সী ॥১৫২॥
yasyotsaṅga-sukhāśayā śithilitā gurvī gurubhyas trapā 
  prāṇebhyo 'pi suhṛt-tamāḥ sakhi tathā yūyaṁ parikleśitāḥ 
  dharmaḥ so 'pi mahān mayā na gaṇitaḥ sādhvibhir adhyāsito 
  dhig dhairyaṁ tad-upekṣitāpi yad ahaṁ jīvāmi pāpīyasī
SYNONYMS
yasya —of whom;  utsaṅga-sukha-āśayā —by the desire for the happiness of the association;  śithilitā —slackened;  gurvī —very great;  gurubhyaḥ —unto the superiors;  trapā —bashfulness;  prāṇebhyaḥ —than My life;  api —although;  suhṛt-tamāḥ —more dear;  sakhi —O My dear friend;  tathā —similarly;  yūyaṁ —you;  parikleśitāḥ —so much troubled;  dharmaḥ —duties to My husband;  saḥ —that;  api —also;  mahān —very great;  mayā —by Me;  na —not;  gaṇitaḥ —cared for;  sādhvibhiḥ —by the most chaste women;  adhyāsitaḥ —practiced;  dhik dhairyaṁ —to hell with patience;  tat —by Him;  upekṣitā —neglected;  api —although;  yat —which;  ahaṁ —I;  jīvāmi —am living;  pāpīyasī —the most sinful.
TRANSLATION
“ ‘Desiring the happiness of His association and embraces, My dear friend, I disregarded even My superiors and relaxed My shyness and gravity before them. Furthermore, although you are My best friend, more dear to Me than My own life, I have given you so much trouble. Indeed, I even put aside the vow of dedication to My husband, a vow kept by the most elevated women. Oh, alas! Although He is now neglecting Me, I am so sinful that I am still living. Therefore I must condemn My so-called patience.’
PURPORT
Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī is speaking this verse ( Vidagdha-mādhava 2.41 ) to Her intimate friend Viśākhādevī.