38 / Indifference and Separation

The great devotee Uddhava once wrote a letter to Krsna: “My
dear Krsna, I have just finished the study of all kinds of philosophical
books and Vedic verses about the goal of life, and so now I have a
little reputation for my studies. But still, in spite of my reputation,
my knowledge is condemned, because although enjoying the efful-
gence of Vedic knowledge, I could not appreciate the effulgence ema-
nating from the nails of Your toes. Therefore, the sooner my pride
and Vedic knowledge are finished, the better it will be!’ This is an
example of indifference.

Another devotee very anxiously expressed himself thusly: “My
mind is very flickering, so I cannot concentrate it upon Your lotus
feet. And seeing this inefficiency in myself I become ashamed, and
the whole night I am unable to sleep because I am exasperated by my
great inability.”

In the Krsna-karnamrta Bilvamangala Thakur has explained his
restlessness as follows: ‘“‘My dear Lord, Your naughtiness in boyhood
is the most wonderful thing in the three worlds. And You Yourself
know what this naughtiness is. As such, You can very easily under-
stand my flickering mind. This is known to You and myself. There-
fore, I am simply yearning to know how I can fix my mind on Your
lotus feet.”

Another devotee expressed his impudency by saying: “My dear
Lord, without considering my lowly position, I must confess to You
that my eyes are just like black wasps, desiring to hover at Your lotus
feet.”

In the Seventh Canto of Srimad-Bhagavatam, 4th Chapter, 27th

313
